Maybe one of the biggest effects I am still feeling is my reluctance to talk on the phone. It just feels strange! I still find it easier to text (at least more people here do it now – when I came back from South Africa, after texting a lot, almost none of my friends did). I’ve been using skype more since returning than I did in Morocco, to keep in touch with friends who are still there, but I felt uncomfortable talking to my computer when I was there and I still feel uncomfortable (so that’s not a change but a continuation). My cousin came to visit earlier this week – he’s moving back to the Netherlands and as long as he was working nearby he came by – and then my family came out to use their (!) house this weekend, and after seeing them I felt a bit lonely. Most of the time I haven’t felt that way out here in Southampton (I have even been thinking I could live here, though I don’t know if I could meet too many people like me here), but being with other people was a reminder that I like being with other people! I rarely felt lonely or isolated in Morocco (though I did miss my friends) – but maybe I was alone there more than I thought and I got used to it; I’m still unaccustomed to spending a lot of time with people!
There’s also my relationship with New York. On my first few trips there I felt strangely emotionless – just visiting, just observing; it didn’t feel like home. On more recent visits I have grown to appreciate it more, though I realize that I still feel like a visitor. I mean, I know I haven’t lived there in a while, but it always felt more familiar than it does now. I also have been getting around more – seeing parts of Manhattan I haven’t seen in a while – (that is, other than my standard walks in Central Park!) so I feel a new sense of discovery. For example:
Lever House
Paley Park
Madison Square
The restored 50th-anniversary Guggenheim
When I left LaGuardia for Chicago last month (and passed right over a night game at Citi Field!) I thought about all the times I returned to Chicago from New York, sad about leaving. I wasn’t sad this time – but maybe that’s because I wasn’t returning to Chicago per se, but just visiting. I may not be articulating this well – I guess I am still trying to figure out how I feel.
So could I live in New York? Maybe; I’m not sure, really. But would I like to spend more time there – and all over the east? To that I can say yes without hesitation. It’s been a while and there are lots of things to see and do (not to mention a bunch of friends!). I’m on my way to Philadelphia today and looking forward to walking around Center City, having a cheesesteak, maybe going to a museum – and to going back to Philadelphia again when I get back. Of course, there’s lots to see and do in the west too, and a bunch of friends, and I’ve always wanted to live there at least for a while. So where does that leave me? Well, as I said many times during my travels, epiphanies don’t happen on demand….
Last week I spent a good portion of the week working on papers for my non-profit certificate courses, and now I’m finished with those (inshallah). So I have something to show for this time period! Now I want to write up more of my travels before I leave for the Philippines. But I was taken aback when an energy-work therapist last week told me I needed to have more fun – she may be right. If I’m not having enough fun now, what will life be like when I’m working again? My sister also suggested I relax before leaving. Relax? Well, the weather is nicer; maybe there’ll be more beach walks. The cover was off the pool table this weekend and I played a game before the cover went back on (not that I can’t take it off for myself – I just hadn’t to date). And my sister pulled out a jigsaw puzzle – maybe I’ll work on that! Relaxing sounds like a good idea….
No comments:
Post a Comment